To me, “My own personal style” means the style or look I go for when I’m feeling the least bit energetic about picking out an outfit. These are the clothes I go to when I’m tired, I’ve had a hard day, or I’m in a hurry and don’t have time to think. It’s your own inner style — the aesthetic that lives deep down within you.
When describing mine I would say it is simplistic, comfortable, yet edgy. I think I gravitate towards those things because when pushed or when in doubt I like to feel independent, a little discrete and a lot strong. And I think in my subconscious these styles embody those feelings/desires.
I think most people are this way. Really I do. I don’t think I’m over analyzing. I really believe people make choices in their clothing based on deeper ideology of which many times they aren’t even aware.
So when I first laid eyes on this floral dress I honestly thought “no way.” The style and the print communicated a certain femininity, of which I have never personally felt comfortable expressing.
Why? I’ll tell you.
This culture of ours has not always been so supportive of femininity (not that it is perfectly supportive now. However things are changing and I believe will continue to do so!).
I remember watching Beauty and the Beast as a little girl. There’s this part where Belle gets cornered by wolves and weakly brandishes a broken log, only to miss each swing with a pathetic whimper. Then, the Beast rushes in at the last minute, with all his strength and single-handedly fights off the entire pack. I remember distinctly feeling serious embarrassment for Belle. Here I was a small child, completely aware that Belle couldn’t take care of herself. She would have died without the big, hulking dude. And no offense to the Beast. I mean, she needed help desperately. This isn’t about shunning his help. This is about Belle not being capable of actual independence! This is about Belle being the pitiful victim. I hate being the victim!
See? There it is. My deep down feeling towards femininity is that it’s weak. It’s incapable. It’s pitiful and asks to be a victim. Sure it’s good for beautiful, girly yellow dresses, and dancing and reading and singing. But if you find yourself in a bind you better hope some giant of a male comes to your rescue.
My point is this: just like every other area of our lives, our subconscious feelings and beliefs come through in everything. They leave clues wherever we go. And if you pay attention you can learn a thing or two about what’s deep down inside yourself.
So, I bought the dress. I decided to face down my insecurities and incorrect ideology. Being girly doesn’t negate my strength or independence. Being feminine is strong and brave and mighty and bold. Because women can and are all those things and then some.